To become an excellent listener, you must be an active and attentive listener who not only hears — but listens with the intent to understand without judgment.
Listening seems to be a dying leadership quality. Everyone is so focused on their thoughts and ideas, which we have become used to by constantly pushing out our information on social media, that it's hard for many to "sit down and listen."
Yet, the ability to "sit down and listen" is one of the most critical leadership abilities. If a leader cannot listen, there is no chance for that person to become an effective and trusted leader.
As I coach leaders and teams, a leader's lack of ability or interest in listening to subordinates is a massive problem within almost every company and organization. I will say it's the most frequent concern and complaint that I hear. Every CEO should be concerned that the company has a culture that is not valuing the most fundamental leadership trait; the ability to listen intently.
Here are a few tips for how to become an excellent listener:
1. Practice not to speak first. This has several advantages; in addition to immediately going into a listening mode, it opens for conversations, engagement, and feeling among team members that my opinion is valued and appreciated.
2. It's crucial to maintain excellent eye contact. Especially when listening, the eye contact should be around 70%. Many different emotions are communicated through eye contact. It improves bonding, increases empathy between people, and helps create trust. Research also shows that good eye contact enables you to remember the conversation better.
3. Don't interrupt. But let the person know that you are intently listening through facial expressions and some verbal non-word sounds.
4. Listen with the intent to understand without judgment. Keep an open mind and be willing to change your opinion. It can be hard to put your own opinion totally to the side and listen, but it's precious for both parties and critical for getting to the "truth."
5. "Pull out a chair and sit down and listen." This is a powerful technic that all leaders must practice. And the more senior you are in the organization, like the CEO, the more critical it is.
Example: As the CEO of a mid-size or large company, you are traveling to different offices (post-pandemic) and are heading into meetings with local and regional executives. A crucial leadership skill is the ability to randomly "sit down and listen" to someone (outside of the executive team). When visiting an office and walking by someone sitting at their desk working or are having a coffee, stop "pull out a chair and sit down and listen." Say, hello, I'm John what's your name and what er you doing for the company? Sit down for 10-15 minutes to understand what they do, the challenges they might face, and learn how you can help — act and follow up. You are guaranteed to learn things that are not communicated in official meetings or written in any status reports.
Incredible value for you as a senior leader and for the employee who got a chance to share important considerations with you. An actual win-win scenario.
In terms of creating engagement through conversations, I love this powerful answer by Richard Branson, Founder of Virgin Group; he said that the best answer he can give to a question from an employee is, "I don't know, what do you think?"
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